Off-Topic: Nerd Boys, Listen Good…

So, If you haven’t been in the loop, comic book artist Tony Harris stirred up all kinds of shit with these comments on his Facebook page. My wife emailed me about it and I had some things to say. Here’s what I sent back to her, which I felt I should share. Enjoy, or not.

“Wow.

Well, I’d heard great things about Starman and Ex Machina, but I guess I’m never picking those up now.

If we were having a conversation about this, you’d be wondering why I don’t sound more pissed off or surprised. Well, this kind of woman-hating is nothing new in the geek world. It’s not nearly as accepted as it used to be (it seems to have embedded itself in the Gamer community these days), but Harris was born in 1969, meaning he’s of one of the last generations where nerds were treated like, well, nerds growing up.

I saw this with a lot of guys I knew growing up: There’s a weird juxtaposition where they see the ‘jocks’ and ‘cool kids’ getting the hot girls and being angry about it, wishing those girls appreciated them for what they were. Because of this when any girl showed interest in comics, fantasy, scifi, etc., she was immediately looked upon with suspicion. Sad to say, less attractive girls were more likely to get a ‘pass’ because let’s face it, for most of us we dive into solitary hobbies like comics because we’re flat out not athletic or attractive enough to merit any great social attention. But Spaghetti Monster help the poor girl who happened to be moderately or worse extremely attractive who claimed any sort of geek title. Hot nerd girls were an impossible concept back in the day, and were rejected out of hand.

Those poor middling girls, though, took and continue to take the worst of it. Not ‘conventionally pretty’ enough to be ignored, but too pretty not to raise suspicion. Those girls were bait to bring out the worst in young nerd men. That dangerous cocktail of teenage hormones, male privilege, and a propensity for over-compensation due to the pressures from society at large (and usually fathers in particular) to be more ‘manly’ in the face of their lack of physical gifts gets shaken up by a slightly-more-attractive-than-average girl who likes what they like more than just about anything else.

She’s too hot  to really be into comics, but she’s not as hot as the kind of girls they deserve. She’s got big boobs because she’s a little (or a lot, let’s not lie) heavy, not because she has hot big boobs because she’s not that hot why aren’t you hotter?  She can hang with the guys or join in on whatever reindeer game they’re playing, but there’s always a palpable undercurrent of lust, anger, and entitlement. Suffice to say, it usually ended up driving many women away from comics and other forms of nerdery. I always had a soft spot for girls like this; I always tried my best to keep them involved in the group and to keep guys in line. But I was an exception–a young man who had been raised in a house full of women, who was more comfortable (if I’m honest) in the company of women rather than men of any age, and who was athletic and (I guess) good-looking enough not to be ostracized out-of-hand by my peers on sight. I had my own point of privilege, but I did what I could to help my fellow geeks into a greater understanding of what I can only poorly define as feminism.

The good news is that screeds like Harris’ are greeted by this generation with the disdain and disgust they deserve. The bad news is that all over the internet you can find comments like Harris’ in forum discussion and find them mild compared to others. Yesterday’s ‘jock’ is today’s ‘alpha’, with the difference being that ‘alpha’ is something to aspire to, and merely an excuse for being a selfish, misogynist asshole. What these boys will never understand in their hearts, and it’s sad to say but 100% true, is that there is a difference between a ‘hot girl’ and an expensive car, or a designer watch, or the hottest shoe on the market. To them, it’s all the same.

Of course there’s a difference between any girl and those things, but from this base lesser attractive girls don’t exist. Baby steps.

Tony Harris and his ilk aren’t pissed because moderately good-looking girls are getting lots of attention at cons; they’re pissed because they’re getting dressed up and coming to cons not for the specific purpose of walking through the doors, dropping to their knees and servicing every ‘deserving’, like-minded nerd like himself who thinks the world owes them something. That’s the part of this whole thing that’s dangerous, and needs to be stated bluntly and fucking stopped.

Fuck him and fuck everyone else who thinks like him. You don’t think the girl that just walked by isn’t ‘hot’ enough to wear that outfit? Who gives a fuck what you think? Move the fuck on–let that girl live her life just like you want the rest of us to let you live yours. Fuck. OFF.

Sorry for the rant, but shit like this just sets me off. Love you.”

You are now free to go about the rest of your day.
–Nick

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