Gotta Get Back in Time: A Trip Through a 2005 Distributor Catalog

Yes, it’s now gonna be stuck in your head just like it’s stuck in mine.

Welcome to those of you who found your way here via this week’s ArlNow.com column. For those who didn’t, go check it out for an analysis of how pricing of beer has (and in a surprising number of cases hasn’t) changed over the years.

Over the weekend, my wife and I were cleaning out some stuff around the house. Among these items I found an old backpack of mine from the days when I’d haul my notebooks, distributor catalogs, and CDs (ask your parents, kids) to work with me in one. The contents of the backpack were pretty unremarkable save for a nice note I found from my mom and a vintage 2005 catalog/price book from Hop & Wine Beverage. Flipping through it was like living that West Wing episode where everyone’s reading the book about what life was like 100 years ago:

"Josh, it says here 100 years ago (in 2005) no one gave a shit about Lager and some asshole named Nick in VA was drinking 90 Minute as his 'Session Ale'."

“Josh, it says here 100 years ago (in 2005) no one gave a shit about Lager and some asshole named Nick in VA was drinking 90 Minute as his ‘Session Ale’.”

For those not familiar with the area, Hop & Wine is one of the bigger beer distributors in the state, with a focus on craft beer that was years ahead of the curve. This is a copy of their catalog from 2005:

I'm not an expert, but I'd say CGC would grade that somewhere in the 2.5-3.5 range. I'll brook no offer under $5,000.

I’m not an expert, but I’d say CGC would grade that somewhere in the 2.5-3.5 range. I’ll brook no offer under $5,000.

Like I said, for deeper analysis check out the 7.11.14 edition of my ArlNow.com column. In the meantime, here’s some fun stuff I found floating around in here:

Michigan? Where’s that? A grand total of zero Michigan breweries are listed at this point in 2005. That stands in stark contrast to now, as Hop & Wine currently represents Founders, New Holland, Jolly Pumpkin (in DC only–don’t get excited, VA people…), and someone else…

…oh yeah–Bell’s. No Bell’s in VA back in ’05. I remember the days when I sold beer and didn’t have to think about dealing with HopSlam; the memory feels like a brand new pillow that is just firm enough. /sigh

<David Lee Roth voice>Wish they all could be California brews</David Lee Roth voice>: Even at this point in the rise of the ‘craft beer’ scene, there was still a heavy bias toward California breweries. This 2005 Hop & Wine book offers 13 Cali breweries alone; the next highest number goes to Pennsylvania with…3. In fact, there are more Californian breweries in this book than there are for those from any other country, save for–wait for this–England, with 14. England. That’s pretty incredible considering the ‘DGAF’ I get from the market today when it comes to British beers without heavy metal band mascots on their labels.

“Dear Belgium: You’re Welcome. From: America”: Speaking of imports–I remember so many more Belgian beers being around back in ’05, but there are only 8 listed in this Hop & Wine book. Bear in mind that Hop & Wine is the distribution arm of Wetten Importers, which is responsible for introducing much of the American beer-drinking public to beers like Delirium Tremens, Gouden Carolus, and these days Halve Maan and Beersel. I remember the explosion of Belgian-style beers from American breweries that occurred after the travels of the Brett Pack; I hadn’t considered lately what kind of impact the popularity of those beers would have on the interest level of American beer geeks for Belgian breweries themselves. So not only did we let Belgium by in this year’s World Cup, but we also brought untold millions to its beer industry. That’s American Exceptionalism, my friends. (/sarcasm) (kind of)

“This was back in dicktey-five. We had to say ‘dickety’ because the KAISER has stolen our word ‘two-thousand’…”: Yes, this is the ‘Abe Simpson’ segment of the post.

Pictured: the author.

Pictured: the author.

In my day…

Dogfish Head still packaged Chicory Stout, Raison d’Etre, and f’ing Pangea. Also, 120 came out 3 times per year like clockwork, and I could order as much as I wanted. WorldWide Stout? Every year; none of this ‘every other year’ stuff. Raison d’Extra hadn’t even been released to the public yet; now it’s slated to return after a nearly six-year absence that should’ve only lasted closer to three. Great Divide was available in ’05, and there were only two Yetis in the catalog. Two! What did they do with all that free time? Dogfish Head and North Coast were the only American breweries in the catalog doing four-packs; even stuff like Weyerbacher Quad and Victory Storm King were still in six-packs.

Speaking of six-packs: here are the ones you could get in Virginia in 2005 from these now big-names:

Stone: IPA. That’s it.

Lagunitas: Censored (yes, it’d already been censored), IPA, Pils.

Bear Republic: …..

He’brew: Genesis Ale, Messiah Bold (also, Schmaltz is listed as a California brewery at this point).

Pour one out for–wait, wait, don’t actually pour it out! Oh no…: You knew it was coming; the part where we get to the beers and breweries listed as available at the time but no longer with us. Everyone take a deep breath. Ready? Ok.

De Proef: Technically still available here in VA with another distributor, but the selection is pared down to essentially nothing–which is a shame, as I’m a huge fan. In 2005, there was even less De Proef to go around; only one beer, Flemish Primitive (which we know now as Reinaert Flemish Wild Ale), is listed.

Burgerbrau: I used to enjoy occasionally stocking a random Czech Lager, and Burgerbrau was nice.

Gale’s Prize Old Ale, Harvey & Son of Lewes, Ruddles: You know, any or all of these may well still be available here (I suspect Ruddles can be had, at any rate). But such is the state of British beer in this area right now that I have no earthly idea.

Shenandoah Brewing Company: I wasn’t the biggest fan of Shenandoah, the ‘brewery in Alexandria’ before Port City opened up shop. But they held the distinction of being the only Virginia brewery in this Hop & Wine 2005 book. Thinking about it now, I don’t remember for sure if breweries like Old Dominion, Starr Hill, and St. George were being distributed at the time. To imagine so few breweries in the state as compared to now is stunning.

I am Trying to Break Your Heart: This is the part that’s going to hurt. Let’s start with this:

Hop and Wine 05 Book 3

FANTOME. And CANTILLON. Yes, it was by special order and there were no guarantees, but lord almighty do I miss even the possibility of getting any of this stuff. And last but not least…

 

le sigh

le sigh

I remember in the 2007-2008 area being able to get a case or two or three of Damnation every now and then. I’ve talked to folks at Hop & Wine in the past and have been told that Damnation was the only Russian River beer sent to Virginia. My theory is plans were in place to carry the others, but it never came to pass as I’ve never spoken to anyone who had ever bought any in-state. In any event, I just had Supplication again this past weekend and I need a goddamn permanent IV drip of it–and when you need something, that’s a responsibility.

You're damn right it is

I learned that from this guy

See you next time!

 

We Are All Beer Geeks Now

Squirrel In Cider

There will never be a greater image on this blog. Never.

I’ve had a thought festering in my head for some time now, but hadn’t been able to crystallize it until a conversation I had with my wife recently. We were talking about Vintage Ads; a livejournal that makes for a great addition to your RSS feed (if you use a reader). Vintage Ads is exactly what you think it is: a repository for images and videos of classic advertisements from yesteryear. My favorite posts on Vintage Ads are often the food-related ones; they tell the tale of American food appreciation from the earnestness (and casual racism) of the early 20th Century to the “Science is improving all of our lives!” spirit (and casual racism) of the 1930s (“Tingling Buoyancy!“; “Sunshine Vitamin D!…mellowed to ripe perfection under PRECISE ENZYME CONTROL; “The acid of the orange aids digestion…the fruit to eat with rich repasts“; “Lively flavor and goodness“), to the war effort/rationing (and overt racism) of the WWII-era and beyond.

My wife was pointing out how in the span of a few decades, Americans went from Hot Buttered Cheerios, Squirrel-in-Cider, gelatin-molded veg-all ‘pie-plate salads’, Impossible Cheeseburger Pie (pies are generally a source of nightmare fuel on Vintage Ads, btw), and frosted ham to a nation of organic, biodynamic, locavore, gluten-free, non-GMO, traditionally-styled/fusion/niche cuisine-craving foodies. That’s when the thought finally came together in my head, as we both realized that beer has taken a very similar path–

We are all Beer Geeks now.

Follow me for a moment: A media star rises, suddenly opening the eyes of an American audience to the history, culture and possibility of their consumables. Most importantly, Americans learn that doing it themselves is easier than they think–and it sparks a revolution. Other celebrities follow, and within a couple of decades an entire industry comes alive, spurred on by those who were inspired by that first exposure, and an American public newly awakened and curious about what it’s been missing out on.

Of course I’m thinking of Julia Child, but I could just as easily be writing about the late, great beer writer Michael Jackson. In the wake of The French Chef, America discovered more culinary guides: Jacques Pepin, Graham Kerr, Emeril Lagasse, Mario Batali, Anthony Bourdain…hell, throw in Rachel Ray, Paula Deen, and Martha Stewart–it’s a big tent, after all, with room for all tastes and interests. Millions were inspired to start cooking for themselves at home; a small percentage of those went on to careers in the restaurant/food industry. Just like that, you have a revolution in food culture in the United States.

Jackson brought history, context, and a nobility to beer that largely had not been considered by America before him. With President Carter’s passage of H.R. 1337 in 1978, Americans began making their own beer in greater numbers than ever before; within a few short years many of the pioneering craft breweries were already up-and-running. People like Fritz Maytag (Anchor), Ken Grossman (Sierra Nevada), Larry Bell (Bell’s), and Jim Koch (Boston Beer) began to stake out territory for a fledgling industry still seen as a curiosity by much of the country.

(Note: I realize this is an unbelieveably truncated version of the beginnings of the craft beer movement in America, but I only have so much time. Don’t be pedantic, and don’t be a dick. Don’t be a pedandick.)

Their work found an audience thirsty for world-class American beer, and as they say, nothing succeeds like success. The beers of one generation of craft brewers inspired the next to not only push the envelope in terms of flavor, but in the ambitions they had for the reach of their breweries and their corporate philosophies. Sam Calagione spreads the gospel of beer while encouraging beer drinkers to explore the history of the beverage and to try new and different (sometimes very different) things; Greg Koch has built a national brand while adhering to an overtly political stance regarding Big Beer, corporations, etc., and Lagunitas’ Tony Magee brings a musician’s perspective to the beer business, simultaneously attempting to achieve a purity of expression in his beers while constantly fighting to preserve the ‘artisan’ aspect of brewing as the industry grows. The similarities between the evolution of the food and beer industries are stunning when you start noticing them, and it’s hard to avoid a simple truth–this has all happened before, and it will happen again.

I KNEW they had a plan. Frackin' toasters.

I KNEW they had a plan. Frackin’ toasters.

For all of the talk of various trends and fads, the overall arc of American interest in food has been a continually rising one. The ‘foodie’ phenomenon has grown to the point where now fast food restaurants are offering ‘healthy’ alternatives and are racing to out-do each other with artisanal-sounding ingredients. Neighborhood grocery stores now stock organic, sustainable, gluten-free items–stuff you had to search far and wide for 10-15 years ago. You can buy organic eggs at the 711 on Washington Boulevard in Arlington now. The foodies have won. There’s no going back; this is the new normal.

The same thing is happening with beer right now. Blue Moon was the first sign that the tide had turned; Shock Top, the brewery buyouts, Budweiser Select, Budweiser Black Crown, Miller Fortune and the like all followed–the big guys chasing an audience that was suddenly demanding more. What’s most important here, however, isn’t how BMC has handled the rise of the ‘craft beer movement'; it’s how ‘craft beer’ has grown its audience to the point where it’s no longer a niche product. ‘Craft beer’ is in our grocery stores, our 711s, gas stations, neighborhood bars–like I said last week:

“I don’t get pissed off because Stone, Dogfish, Bell’s, Lagunitas and the like are available at the Giant across the street from me–them being there means we’re winning”

We are all Beer Geeks now.

The debate over craft beer being a trend, or ‘craft’ versus ‘crafty’, is done. All that’s really left to argue over are personal preferences and philosophies, which is great because those are all friendly arguments; those are fun. We should be vigilant and keep an eye out for BMC taking over more smaller breweries in an attempt to co-opt the movement of course, but once upon a time ‘craft beer’ was the rallying cry for those who wanted options; now there are more choices available to consumers in more places than I would’ve imagined possible even just ten years ago.

So let’s stop talking about whether Goose Island is ‘craft’ or not anymore, or Ommegang or Boulevard for that matter. There are immensely talented brewers working with pride at breweries of all sizes all over the world–it’s all ‘craft’. Let’s be open and frank about our preferences and let’s be specific about them, too. I’ll start: Back before the ABI buyout I got to try a couple Goose Island beers and thought they were good, but nothing to rave about. Since the buyout, I’ve tried some very good Goose Island beers (Honker’s, Harvest Ale, their new  The Ogden Tripel which is nice but finishes a bit hot for my taste; Pepe Nero), but I still see the takeover as ABI trying to buy itself some ‘street cred’. Between those factors and the only Goose Island beer I get requests for on a regular basis being Bourbon County Stout (which I’m also not crazy about personally), it’s an easy decision for me not to carry it. But you won’t hear me say the brewers of Goose Island aren’t good at what they do; nor will I say that they lack passion for beer or are trying to pull the wool over the eyes of beer drinkers, because they’re not. Everyone is trying to make the best beer possible; everything else is a matter of preference.

We are all Beer Geeks now.

There is still work to be done; still whole swaths of the country where smaller breweries aren’t available. But the tide has turned and it’s no longer a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’. The day will come when we start reading people bitching about the dominance of ‘big breweries’ like Dogfish Head, Stone, Lagunitas, New Belgium, and the like–a day I think is coming relatively soon, actually. When it does, I’ll just smile and be happy that these upstarts managed to grow at all–let alone become national names–in the face of an industry that wanted nothing less than to kill a consumer movement before it ever had a chance to grow. Welcome to the club, everybody.

We are all Beer Geeks now.

 

 

 

ArlNow.com Column 6.20.14. (Beer Advertising) Supplemental

(Note: I’m going to start doing these occasionally when there’s a train of thought or a set of ideas that don’t fit into what I’ve written for a particular week’s Your Beermonger column for ArlNow.com. –Nick)

–Stone’ Greg Koch can continue to rail against everything from breweries advertising on TV to ketchup (I swear I’m not making that up); he’s an intelligent, eloquent voice speaking out for those of us who want to take The Man down. Despite Stone’s anti-corporate stance, though, it is undeniably a big business whose beers increasingly are popping up on the shelves of Big Box chain stores and groceries. While Stone continues to rage against the machine, Schlafly’s getting one of those ‘faceless multinationals’ to promote its brewery without the expense of its own national TV campaign. Just something to think about.–

That’s a pretty close approximation of how this week’s ArlNow column was originally going to wrap up. As I was writing, I thought it was needlessly antagonistic toward Stone and Greg Koch personally (who I’m a gigantic fan of), so I scrapped it. But there is a deeper issue for those of us who work with beer and who love beer, and I’d like to delve into that for a moment.

I think Greg speaks for a lot of us with his self-described “screeds”; some of us want our small breweries to take a stand against the corporations whose first commitment isn’t to making the best beer possible, but to increasing the value of its stock. I may take some issue to seeing chains like Total Wine or Whole Foods being allocated so much of Stone’s special releases in light of Koch’s philosopy, or feel an odd ping trying to reconcile Stone’s own corporate ethos and its beers becoming increasingly available in groceries like Giant, Safeway, etc., but there are two important factors to keep in mind here:

1.That beer is being sold by distributors, not Stone. Once the beer is sold to a distributor, breweries have varying degrees of influence as to how its products are sold or to whom they are sold.

2. The beer business is a business. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum; there are real-world issues at play here, and one of them is that Stone is an incredibly popular national name in the beer industry. Any brewers worth a damn is going to want their beers featured in as many supportive markets and retailers withing those markets as possible. There’s a certain extent to which we all need to grow up a little about this.

The achievements of Stone and other top 10 craft brewers (Bell’s, Lagunitas, etc) are remarkable because of the lack of major national ad campaigns involved in their growth. Stone stands out for essentially having a policy of not spending money on advertising. It’s not like Stone doesn’t get into marketing in any way, of course, but it’s still pretty incredible to have the 10th largest craft beer sales by volume without a penny’s worth of bought advertising.

There is room enough in beer for many ideas and approaches, all of which can be correct and all of which can work to the benefit of those implementing them. Even if you’re not politically minded, your decisions as a consumer are inherently political ones: you do in fact vote with your wallet. I do it in my role as a buyer–there are breweries whose items I don’t have an interest in stocking because I don’t want to support their business models. There are brands I won’t carry because I don’t like the imagery of their packaging. That’s my decision to make, just as it’s your decision to think I’m a haughty douchebag for making it, or thinking Greg Koch is an insufferable hipster asshat for not offering you ketchup at the Stone World Bistro and Gardens.

In the end, none of that is as important as recognizing that we can all be right and that when we attack the approaches of well-meaning small breweries, we do the Big Guy’s jobs for them. I don’t get pissed off because Stone, Dogfish, Bell’s, Lagunitas and the like are available at the Giant across the street from me–them being there means we’re winning; that consumers are choosing well-made, interesting, high-quality beer over the stuff that’s been sold to them for decades by, among other methods, gigantic TV ad campaigns.

I’m increasingly becoming fed-up with the term ‘craft beer’, because the point is that there’s nothing ‘special’ about using the highest-quality ingredients to make flavorful, interesting beers–it’s simply doing things the way they should be done. Continuing to say ‘craft beer’ sets us all up to be categorized as just another trend; something for SABInBevMillerCoors to laugh about at their stockholder’s meeting 20 years from now: “Hey remember ‘craft beer’? (everyone erupts in laughter while lighting cigars with Cease & Desist letters and defaulted-upon bank notes)”

History is written by the winners, folks, and as strong as ‘craft beer’ is becoming, it can very easily in-fight itself into ‘passing trend’ status. Stay focused. As the Bard himself said so well:

 

There endeth the lesson.

Tasting Notes: Foggy Ridge Ciders

Foggy Ridge

I’ll admit up front that I’m not much of a cider guy. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, I do–it’s just been something I’ve had a hard time really getting into the way others do, and especially in my role as a retail buyer. For years I’ve had cider fans asking me to carry more, only to have bottles sit on my shelves when I actually made the effort to bring some in. So forgive me, but my attitude until recently had been “fuck the cider people” when it came to my stocking decisions.

johnny-cash-middle-finger

Yeah, pretty much that.

Not to mention that every cider I bring in is one less beer I can feature, and when shelf space is at a premium like it is in my department at Arrowine, that’s no small matter.

Another part of my cider animosity is the rollercoaster of levels of quality in the ones I’d try. I can’t count the number of times some rep would say to me “this is our dry style cider“, as if simply saying the word “dry” would tickle the wine guy part of my lizard brain and make me buy in immediately. The worst part is that said “dry” ciders would either be blatantly sweet, meaning the cidery either had no palate to speak of or was just plain lying to me, or the cider would be ‘dirty’–packed with Brettanomyces flavors and effects which yes, can include dryness but at the cost of the fruit’s flavor. Not what I’m looking for. I’m not sold on what UC Davis has to say just yet; as my boss likes to say, wine is essentially grape juice–when you point out to me the part of the grape that is supposed to smell or taste like leather, or ‘barnyard’, or mushroomy I might start forgiving Brett. Until then, I’d like my cider to taste like apples if you please. I’ll keep the Brett in the beers it should be in, where I enjoy it.

Horseblanket

Ran a GIS for ‘horseblanket'; not one grape or glass or wine came up. Side note: how badass does this horse look?

All of this is by way of saying that I’m wary of trying ciders, and a bit exasperated with the prospect of finding and stocking new ones. It was with this jaded, downright shitty attitude that I met with my distributor rep for Foggy Ridge Ciders to try their wares.

Foggy Ridge is located in Dugspur, Virginia, southwest of Lynchburg. It would actually make for a good detour on a trip to Asheville, now that I think about it. Cider maker Diane Flynt has built her lineup around the preservation of heirloom varietals, specifically those with the tannin and acid content to make truly dry, structured Hard Cider. I got to try out five of Foggy Ridge’s offerings, representing the bulk of its line. Here’s what I thought:

First Fruit: Once again, I was told that this would be the driest cider of the group, but for once I was told correctly. The early-harvest fruit used in this cider makes for a truly dry, crisp cider with proper fruit character and–wonder of wonders–actual structure! My heart grew three sizes. Aromas are slightly nutty, but the apple comes correct. Also, it’s CLEAN. Love it.

Serious Cider: Serious is made from a mix of traditional English and American varieties. This is where the pleasant surprises really start: after First Fruit, I was expect a head-first dive into syrupy, cloying cider territory, and that is not what I got. The nose on Serious is more mild than First Fruit, but the blend of apples used gives it a green/yellow apple flavor that is all tartness and acidity in all the right ways.

Sweet Stayman: Made mostly from Virginia Stayman apples which apparently ripen later in the season. From the name alone I was expecting dessert, but Sweet Stayman is more ’round’ than it is ‘sweet’. The apple aromas are bolder and more concentrated here, but don’t suggest cloying sweetness. Stayman is  a tick sweeter on the palate, but it isn’t sugary at the expense of the fruit, or done in a way to pander to the ‘American’ palate. The roundness of the Stayman apple makes for a smoother-feeling cider, but one that still carries some sense of structure. Smart stuff.

Handmade: The only Foggy Ridge to come in 375mL mini-champagne style bottles (more on this in a bit). Handmade is mostly made from Newton Pippin apples and has aromas that made me think of Vidal white wine. The palate was mild compared to the others, but had an interesting pear-like fruit note (which they even mention on their website, funny enough) and was very nice.

Pippin Gold: A blend of a 100% Pippin cider and apple Brandy–think Pommeau without the extended oak aging. Sweet but appropriate for the style; my issue with Pippin Gold was that I missed the oxidation that comes with the long-term oak aging in Pommeau. Thinking about it now, Pippin Gold would be a nice substitute for a Loupiac, or other inexpensive Sauternes-like dessert wines.

So yeah, I really liked the Foggy Ridge ciders. A lot, in fact. But I won’t be carrying any of them.

Why? Well, the First Fruit, Serious, and Sweet Stayman come in 750mL bottles that would retail in the ~$18 range. The smaller bottle Handmade comes in, used ostensibly to make pricing more attractive to retail and restaurants, would still hit shelves around $12. Pippin Gold (in what I remember being a 500mL) would shake out damn near $25. I just can’t do it. I have world-class beers in those prices that have Yelpers and BA’s pissed at me as it is–I simply can’t put these ciders out there at these prices and expect folks to buy in because they’re from Virginia, or simply because they’re great (which, make no mistake, they are). I just can’t.

A smaller format would still be pricey, but I think doable for the main thrust of Foggy Ridge’s line. Hopefully someday this comes to pass; I really enjoyed the ciders and would love to feature them. Foggy Ridge is doing just about everything I want cider makers to be doing right now. If you get the chance to try their stuff out, do so; you won’t be disappointed. If you have time to make the trip, go visit–I’m sure it’s beautiful out there.

Oh well.

Off-Topic: Nerd Boys, Listen Good…

So, If you haven’t been in the loop, comic book artist Tony Harris stirred up all kinds of shit with these comments on his Facebook page. My wife emailed me about it and I had some things to say. Here’s what I sent back to her, which I felt I should share. Enjoy, or not.

“Wow.

Well, I’d heard great things about Starman and Ex Machina, but I guess I’m never picking those up now.

If we were having a conversation about this, you’d be wondering why I don’t sound more pissed off or surprised. Well, this kind of woman-hating is nothing new in the geek world. It’s not nearly as accepted as it used to be (it seems to have embedded itself in the Gamer community these days), but Harris was born in 1969, meaning he’s of one of the last generations where nerds were treated like, well, nerds growing up.

I saw this with a lot of guys I knew growing up: There’s a weird juxtaposition where they see the ‘jocks’ and ‘cool kids’ getting the hot girls and being angry about it, wishing those girls appreciated them for what they were. Because of this when any girl showed interest in comics, fantasy, scifi, etc., she was immediately looked upon with suspicion. Sad to say, less attractive girls were more likely to get a ‘pass’ because let’s face it, for most of us we dive into solitary hobbies like comics because we’re flat out not athletic or attractive enough to merit any great social attention. But Spaghetti Monster help the poor girl who happened to be moderately or worse extremely attractive who claimed any sort of geek title. Hot nerd girls were an impossible concept back in the day, and were rejected out of hand.

Those poor middling girls, though, took and continue to take the worst of it. Not ‘conventionally pretty’ enough to be ignored, but too pretty not to raise suspicion. Those girls were bait to bring out the worst in young nerd men. That dangerous cocktail of teenage hormones, male privilege, and a propensity for over-compensation due to the pressures from society at large (and usually fathers in particular) to be more ‘manly’ in the face of their lack of physical gifts gets shaken up by a slightly-more-attractive-than-average girl who likes what they like more than just about anything else.

She’s too hot  to really be into comics, but she’s not as hot as the kind of girls they deserve. She’s got big boobs because she’s a little (or a lot, let’s not lie) heavy, not because she has hot big boobs because she’s not that hot why aren’t you hotter?  She can hang with the guys or join in on whatever reindeer game they’re playing, but there’s always a palpable undercurrent of lust, anger, and entitlement. Suffice to say, it usually ended up driving many women away from comics and other forms of nerdery. I always had a soft spot for girls like this; I always tried my best to keep them involved in the group and to keep guys in line. But I was an exception–a young man who had been raised in a house full of women, who was more comfortable (if I’m honest) in the company of women rather than men of any age, and who was athletic and (I guess) good-looking enough not to be ostracized out-of-hand by my peers on sight. I had my own point of privilege, but I did what I could to help my fellow geeks into a greater understanding of what I can only poorly define as feminism.

The good news is that screeds like Harris’ are greeted by this generation with the disdain and disgust they deserve. The bad news is that all over the internet you can find comments like Harris’ in forum discussion and find them mild compared to others. Yesterday’s ‘jock’ is today’s ‘alpha’, with the difference being that ‘alpha’ is something to aspire to, and merely an excuse for being a selfish, misogynist asshole. What these boys will never understand in their hearts, and it’s sad to say but 100% true, is that there is a difference between a ‘hot girl’ and an expensive car, or a designer watch, or the hottest shoe on the market. To them, it’s all the same.

Of course there’s a difference between any girl and those things, but from this base lesser attractive girls don’t exist. Baby steps.

Tony Harris and his ilk aren’t pissed because moderately good-looking girls are getting lots of attention at cons; they’re pissed because they’re getting dressed up and coming to cons not for the specific purpose of walking through the doors, dropping to their knees and servicing every ‘deserving’, like-minded nerd like himself who thinks the world owes them something. That’s the part of this whole thing that’s dangerous, and needs to be stated bluntly and fucking stopped.

Fuck him and fuck everyone else who thinks like him. You don’t think the girl that just walked by isn’t ‘hot’ enough to wear that outfit? Who gives a fuck what you think? Move the fuck on–let that girl live her life just like you want the rest of us to let you live yours. Fuck. OFF.

Sorry for the rant, but shit like this just sets me off. Love you.”

You are now free to go about the rest of your day.
–Nick

Pumpkin Beer Thunderdome 2012

Last weekend my wife and I hosted her close friend Chassie for a fall beer tasting for her blog. I wrote my notes up for this week’s ArlNow.com column.

Check out the column here; and keep and eye out for Chassie’s blog post at Chassie’s Food and TV.

TBR: Reader Request–Jester King Farmhouse Black Metal

So,

Friend and noted Beer Trader About Town Matt came into some Jester King stuff lately and brought me a bottle of Farmhouse Black Metal to try. Matt had tried one out and seemed to dig it, but something about the beer seemed to throw him off. In so many words he told me there was a spicy element that jumped out at him and he was curious as to what I would make of it. Well, I just polished my bottle off and here’s my take:

Yes, I’ll be randomly inserting Black Metal vids into this post. Don’t like it? Don’t click ‘play’. Easy enough.

My bottle of Black Metal had been in the fridge for a few days, so I decided to keep an eye (and nose, and palate) on it as it warmed up. Almost immediately after pouring it I picked up something in the nose and was struggling to place it; it seemed almost briny, like Oyster Stout briny. Or mussels? Could this be the note that Matt was talking about? More concerning in that moment was figuring out what it was I was smelling in the glass. I handed it to Mrs. Monger, whose nose and palate are far beyond mine (even if she won’t admit it) and in no less than three seconds she said “It’s olives”.

Dammit. She was right–the unmistakeable scent of Kalamata olives. I would’ve figured it out at some point, but damn if her sensory recall isn’t just that damn good. As the beer warmed up in the first few minutes, the olive note was pretty forceful in Black Metal. I was loving it, but I love the combination of briny and fruity flavors and aromas in olives. Maybe this wasn’t a beer for those looking for a rich, beastly Imperial Stout.

That said, the finish on that cold Black Metal felt and tasted like nice hot chocolate. and the mid-palate was exceptionally easy-going. As it warmed more I started noticing some more spice coming out. Cinnamon? It was faint, but the more the chocolate notes came to the fore the more spice I was noticing too. Ok, then, this wasn’t going to be an easy beer to pin down. Better take it up a notch:

That’s better. Anyhoo, I let it come to temperature and that’s when things just got cool. Like the gigantic dork that I am, I pulled up my Untappd app on my phone to check my beer in like a good nerd. Whomever created the listing for Farmhouse Black Metal in Untappd listed it as a Dry Irish Stout, which isn’t how it’s categorized on Jester King’s site, but it made a lot of things click for me. Now that it was nice and warmed up, the olive note had faded and the malts had asserted themselves, it jumped out at me that the last beer I’d had that it reminded me of was Schalfly’s Irish Stout.

The big difference though, was that at that exact moment it hit me–the spice; what it was that Matt was talking about in the first place. Enough to remind me of the slew of peppery beers that took over my shelves during the past year: Fade To Black, Cocoa Mole, El Mole Ocho, Terrapin/Schmaltz Reunion, etc.

What sets Farmhouse Black Metal apart is the Farmhouse yeast. Having recently tried Boulevard’s Dark Truth Stout, it was fresh in my mind how much any Belgian-style yeast strain can make even the boldest and most intense combination of flavors approachable, and I feel like that’s the case here. Not only does the Farmhouse yeast contribute its own spicy character to the beer, but it helps to round out what could otherwise be seen as just another cartoonishly “BIG FLAVOR” beer.

So Matt, here’s my verdict: Great beer if you dig the spicy stuff. Those not prepared for it or who just aren’t into peppery beers could easily be turned off by its unexpected heat, but I thought it was quite the treat. Thanks for bringing it by.

Until next time, folks.

Cheers!

Ok, one more for the hell of it: